I have been taking swimming lessons the past month and so
most Tuesday and Thursday nights, I have to walk past Fraser Cemetery. Once
upon a time, I was afraid of cemeteries. Now, walking by one makes me more
aware of the reality of death. We live and we die. That is probably the most
inevitable thing there is. You simply cannot live forever. Death has never been
something I spent time pondering in the past. Of course, when someone I know
dies, I am caused to think. So this is the end for them? With death, there are
no second chances. You can’t go and then decide that you are not ready and come
back to life. When you go, you are gone.
As a Christian, I believe that there is life after death. I
believe that based on the life we live on earth and the sheer grace of God, we
end up in heaven or in hell. Not everyone would agree with this, but hey! That’s
what I believe and that’s what gives me hope. Hope for the times when things
are not going well. Hope for when I lose a loved one. Hope for a life without
pain, sickness and suffering.
Walking past the cemetery, I look at the stones and
wonder. To many, those stones mean nothing more than the resting place of God-knows-who.
For at least one person, that John Doe is a father, a husband, a wife, a sister…
Those stones hold the remains of that guy who didn’t show up to work on Monday.
That schoolmate who never made it home from boarding school. That mom, who never
got to meet her daughter’s prom date. My co-worker just told me the story of
how she lost her husband 30 years ago. He left for work in the morning as he
always did. A while later, his boss calls the house because he hadn’t arrived at
work. She says she knew immediately that something was wrong. She heard cop
sirens and she knew they were coming to her. That was the end. He was gone. His car collided with horses! Just like that. She is 65 now and never remarried. That’s
what death does to some people. It seizes their tomorrow, by seizing the
companion who should walk with them into tomorrow. In those graves lie decayed
bodies and broken hearts.
Every day that passes, I ask myself, “How many steps closer
to your dream are you today?” Most times, I cannot answer that question. Gone are the days when, “You have great
potential”, was a compliment to me. Beneath those stones, lie potential. People
who could have been more; done more. They probably didn't because they thought
they had tomorrow. They thought that they had the luxury of procrastination.
Well, you know how that story ends.
I am not really bothered about what people will think of me
when I die. Or what legacy I would have left behind. I just want to know that I
have fulfilled my purpose on earth. I believe that God fills us with so many
gifts, so that we can bless those around us, and leave whatever little section
of the world that we are in, a little better than we met it. Your gift might be
charity, encouragement, writing, public speaking… Whatever you are equipped to
do, do it with all your heart and all your might and all your soul. As though
you are doing it for God. I don’t know when I will die, but I hope I live very
long. Long enough to grow as a person, to see my children grow and to see their
children grow. To enjoy a wholesome life with my husband. Whenever it is that I
die, I hope my husband’s heart will be right with God, and that mine will be
too; so that when this road ends for us, we will look forward to being together
again in heaven. I want to be able to say, “I have finished with this world, I
am ready to go home to my God and the heavenly saints”.
So I have been having baby blues. My womb is hungry for a baby. I know it sounds crazy because I have a 10 month old who is a handful and half and here I am dreaming of having another baby. A friend of mine had a baby a couple of days ago and just hearing her moan about the accompanying pains and discomfort of child birth made me want a child even more! I decided to step back and ask myself why I want another child. Here goes.