The Stranger in my bed

Every night I go to bed and wonder, ``Will this be the night`` The night I go to bed and have another tonic clonic seizure. It is annoying because somehow I feel like I am not complete. Like there is something not right. Something that needs to be fixed. You know how you feel when you give your shoe to a cobbler to mend. He returns it, you put your feet in and then you feel like there is something that he did not do right. You cannot at that moment tell what exactly is wrong, but as you wear it, day in and day out, that discomfort increases until one day you have your Eureka moment and alas, you find that the sole was filed a little to low to one side. That is how I feel. I feel like God tweaked something a little to one side and I am the result. My Bible tells me I am `fearfully and wonderfully made`. If I am so wonderful, then why do I cherish the odd night when I sleep till morning with no interruptions? Why do I cry myself to sleep some nights because I have just had enough? You know what makes it harder? The trying to be strong. I am not strong and I do not want to pretend that I am. I am lost sometimes, scared sometimes and completely confused some other times. It is the pretending to be strong that drives me nuts!