Did you marry your best friend?

Isn't it funny how we say, "I married my best friend"? I asked my husband yesterday, "Who is your best friend?" Without thinking, he said, "Trevor". I asked myself the same question and my answer is and has been Uju. So does that mean that we are not well suited? Cos I see all these couples who say, I married my best friend and I wonder why I am the only one who didn't have a best friend she decided to marry. 

When I started dating my husband, we connected so well that in a month we probably knew as much about each other as our best friends knew about us. Then we progressed and we got married. Now, two years into that marriage, we know things about each other that nobody else knows. So maybe,  when people say, "I married my best friend", that's what they mean. Maybe best friends are the people who know things about us that nobody else knows. 

On friends, I need to write another post on that. We have different friends who serve different purposes in our lives and who we reach out to at different times. I wish there was a shorter word for random friends. Acquaintances is too damn long!

When the going gets sour...

Let us say you have been married for 10 years, and you step back from the kids, work, house work and all the things that make your life busy and then realize that your marriage has lost its pizzazz. You find that you go to bed in granny pants and wake up in the morning, belch, fart and start your day. You have suddenly stopped giving thought to the person sharing your bed.

Once upon a time, you would wake up, excited and eager to check what was going on in his pajama bottoms, and he would be excited to find out if your nipples were awake. Now, sex, sexy lingerie, scented candles, lazy weekends and all forms of hanky-panky are reserved for Valentine ’s Day and birthdays. If you are happily married and yet have to pause to remember the last time you had sex, or did something exciting with your partner, then we have a problem!

Relationships do not change on their own, people change. Before a relationship gets truly sour, both parties have to throw in the towel. Same way it takes two to make it work, it takes two to break it as well. As long as one is still ready and willing to try, there is still hope.

To revive your sex life without breaking the bank to buy self-help books, attend seminars and counseling etc (not that these things are bad), here are some simple tips.

·         Be willing to admit there is a problem

·         Be ready to address the problem

·         Talk… Communicate. You might rush to say, “Same difference”, but relax. You can talk and not communicate. Find a good time, have a candid chat with your partner. Forget the blame game and address the issue. Work out how to fix things.

·         Plan a date night. Just the two of you. No phones, email, kids…

·         Arrange a special meal, get good music, take a shower and look good (not necessarily make up. Lingerie/lounge clothes will do). Then prepare to have a romantic, relaxing evening. Play board games; watch a movie, just talk. Whatever works for you both.

·         Talk often about the things that brought you together. To retrace our steps, we sometimes have to go back to move forward.

·         Resolve to have sex as often as possible. Sex is great for bonding, relaxing and generally increasing intimacy.

·         Be good friends again! You know how you pause in the middle of your busy day, call your best friend and recant a crazy thing that happened at work? Or how you do something silly or funny and long to share it with someone? Or you hear a funny joke and want to share it with someone? Well, once upon a time, your go-to bff was your partner. Why did things have to change? Next time you want to share, how about you reach out and share with him/her?