Virginity is not a status symbol!

You are a virgin? Good for you! If you are not talking to a group of teenagers or speaking at a youth conference in church, or perhaps telling your story to encourage someone else, I really don't want to hear it! Why do people talk about virginity as if virgins above 25 are members of an elite club? Have you ever heard someone boast about her virginity? It is hilarious! "Kunbi is such a slut! I pity any man who marries her. Even this guy she is dating... We the good girls find it hard to get good men. Look at me, how many 29 year old girls do you know that are virgins?" Clap for yourself! You are a virgin, but you are a professional gossip, Anini has got nothing on you, any good deed you do, BBC, CNN and Al-Jazeera are not enough to help publicize your generosity. Please, spare me! Virginity is not a status symbol!

Let's go back to the origin of NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. The bible makes it clear that sin is sin. You cannot separate sexual sin, place it on a pedestal and then certify yourself a saint because you are not guilty of this one sin. It doesn't work that way! Another funny group of people is the group that says, "I am a virgin! He can go down on me, use his fingers, I'll give a blow job here and there, but I can never have sex before marriage!" Please take a moment and listen to yourself. What is a blow job? Oral SEX! While sex is pleasurable, the ultimate goal is to bring you to a climax. So, you are eating the meat, drinking the milk, but you are innocent because you did not kill the cow? Mscheeeew!

This examples of virginity stories come mainly from my Naija friends. The society judges you and has all sorts of crazy standards. It is okay to bribe, cheat, commit adultery along the way, but as long as you stay a virgin till you marry, you are a good girl. However, the guys who remain virgins till marriage, everyone says they are slackers. Set your own standards and be true to yourself. Be good because it is good to be good. Quit boasting and feeling superior because of your goodness. Most importantly, remember that virginity is not a status symbol!

BEWARE!!! Sex and the City is fiction!

The other day, I saw a back episode of Sex and the City showing on TV. I smiled, remembering which episode it was. The one were Big refers to Carrie as his ‘friend’. As was expected she was not too happy. That got me thinking about that tv show and how you can get so lost in it and start to think it’s ok and perhaps chic to change men like your underwear. Sex and the City is fiction. So is Lipstick Jungle and Desperate Housewives. In these tv shows, women cheat, men cheat and still retain their respect, dignity and true love.

In real life, if like Carrie, I decide to have a new guy every week, have sex with him and flaunt him as my boyfriend, the only word that would suitably describe me is SLUT. Yeah, deal with it! I have not done as many men as Carrie, but I sometimes feel like I have done one too many.

There is also the issue of STI’s. Condoms are not 100% safe, so a little herpes, gonorrhea and Chlamydia can slip in and after a wonderful night, little miss sexy could end up with sores, drips and a very unfriendly itch! Why don’t the tv show characters ever have diseases?

I think I like Smash. Julia cheats on her husband and her life is not rosy! She picks up the pieces, but you can tell that if she could, she would have done things differently. I get very involved in the tv shows I watch, so I would like for them to make it as close to real life as possible.

We all slip, and do things we may not be proud of, but let’s learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of the people we love, admire and spend an hour every week watching on tv. Don’t insult me or try to deceive me by making it seem cool to cheat, be promiscuous, to sleep with someone’s husband/wife. It’s totally uncool and can lead me down roads I’d live to regret.

TV is fun, but please don’t be fooled! Real life is so much different!