My First Post - Manage your expectations.

Okay, so I am very excited to be blogging. I have imagined myself doing this for such a long time, but hey! I just finally got around to doing it. The big question is what do I write about today? Hmmm... Maybe, I should write about managing expectations in a relationship, especially marriage. I am newly married. Seven months actually and I love my husband to bits. To me, he is a companion, a friend, a confidant, a lover, sometimes he feels like the big brother I never had, he is so many things to me but the one thing I can not bring myself to view him as, is the man who is responsible for me. I am an adult. A 29 year old woman, who with her eyes wide open, went into a relationship with a young man. You see, I am from Nigeria and our culture expects a husband to be ultimately responsible for his wife. To make it clear, when I say responsible, I do not mean "look out for". I mean, send her to graduate school, buy her a nice car, pay her debts, buy her all the fine things and if she chooses not to work, provide for her every need. 

In my opinion, that is ridiculous! Since I got married, I have not had a steady job. Things have been super rough for me, and we have had to get by on one income only - my husband's. Bless him for his generosity and his love, but my good conscience has kept me restless and constantly looking for something to do to earn me some money. It's almost like a sin for me to sit at home idle and be kept. It seems unfair to do nothing when I can do something. 

A friend of a friend announces over lunch that she is not working and has no intentions of doing so. Now, her husband is not a millionaire or some rich kid from rich folks. He is a young man in his early 30's, struggling to earn an honest living. They are starting a family and his wife has the notion that it is his 'duty' to provide, so she sits on her hands and lets him play the role of provider. Is this not wicked?

Christian women back this selfish expectation with the quote that "a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel". I am a Christian too and I have read Proverbs 31. A woman should be a helper, a supporter, she should be an anchor. My husband is my partner, and supporting him gives me joy. It is nice to be looked after, but I think we should all fairly assess our situation and act accordingly. Don't spend your retirement fund on things that have no value now and then keep struggling to make ends meet all through life. Work together, save together, build together and at the end, enjoy together. Delayed gratification is not the end of the world. 

Every wise man respects a woman who supports him, makes wise decisions and has his back. If you want to be kept, find yourself a sugar daddy!

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home; let the husband make her happy  to see him leave ~ Martin Luther