Loneliness vs Aloneness

Every so often, especially in recent times, I have been forced to ponder these two concepts. Does being lonely necessarily mean that one is alone? Does being alone mean that one is lonely? No! Countless times, I am alone and at peace. My thoughts keeping me good company, and my company being a suitable companion at the time. Other times, I am surrounded by my sisters, my larger than life nieces and nephew, there’s so much noise and activity and yet, my mind wanders. I want more. I want a different kind of companionship that these people I love cannot give me. I want to love a different kind of love. Yeah, you guessed right. I am single.

I thought loneliness was a luxury only single women enjoyed, but apparently that is not the case. I have two very wonderful friends who I’ll call Sandra and Frank. They've been married for 8 years and seem to have what everyone thinks is a wonderful marriage – kids, nice house, good friends, a garden *rolls eyes*. You know what I mean! Well, Frank asks me to go for drinks with him one day after work and that is how I find out that what I thought was utopia is a cold war zone. 

For years, there has been zilch sex, countless fights and a complete absence of basic marital camaraderie to say the least. Wow! I’m being careful. I have to take in this information in bits. Now, I am a suspicious Igbo girl and a project manager. I always want to know why. Why is he telling me? Answer: He feels I’m easy to talk to. Why is he still in the marriage if he is obviously unhappy? Answer: Because of the kids. Why doesn't he speak to her? Answer: He has tried and it always ends up with a fight. What does he intend to do about it? Answer: Endure till he can’t anymore. 

Well, there we go. I go to bed alone every night and my heart breaks because I want someone to hold me when I have a nightmare and there is no one there. And here is Frank, sleeping beside someone night after night and still overcome by a feeling of loneliness.

… I wrote this 2 years ago and that day, I vowed I would rather be single and happy, than married and unhappy. Well 2 years down the line, I am married, happy and I have moments when I am alone. Being alone is not a bad thing. Being lonely? That’s another story. Perhaps, some other day we will bring up Sandra and Frank again. Believe it or not, they are still together patching it!