I'm back... I think!

I have been away for a while because life just took over. News flash! I am having a baby! I have gone through the various stages of pregnancy and now I am at the point where I just can't wait to birth my son. Initial stage for me was, "Thank you God! My prayer has been answered!" With bated breath we went through the 1st trimester. I was sick all the time. Could not keep food down and on the bad days, even water was a task to keep down. That phase went by and ushered in the 2nd trimester. 
Life was going well, we moved from Toronto to Vancouver. Awesome city, amazing weather and my DH's new job. All was well,except my DS was cutting me no slack! I kept dealing with nausea through to almost 20 weeks. The good side was I didn't have all the associated ugliness that sometimes comes with pregnancy. Uneven skin tones, swollen feet and hands and sometimes noses. Yup, noses. Pregnancy was treating my outward appearance with respect. My belly was growing outwards and not widespread, so I didn't look too fat. I have somehow managed to gain only 10lbs in 8+ months. I can't deny my joy. My nails and hair are doing well too. 2nd trimester was my season to enjoy the glow, the sex and the sound sleep. 
3rd trimester! I must drive DH nuts with my whining! I am constantly complaining about something or the other. My back, my hips, my belly, indigestion, heart burn... the list seems endless. That's where I am now. With a few weeks to go, we are excitedly awaiting our little boy. We day dream of our lives with him and pray that we make good parents. I can't wait!

P.S. Pardon me as this blog will probably become an all things baby blog!

The Stranger in my bed

Every night I go to bed and wonder, ``Will this be the night`` The night I go to bed and have another tonic clonic seizure. It is annoying because somehow I feel like I am not complete. Like there is something not right. Something that needs to be fixed. You know how you feel when you give your shoe to a cobbler to mend. He returns it, you put your feet in and then you feel like there is something that he did not do right. You cannot at that moment tell what exactly is wrong, but as you wear it, day in and day out, that discomfort increases until one day you have your Eureka moment and alas, you find that the sole was filed a little to low to one side. That is how I feel. I feel like God tweaked something a little to one side and I am the result. My Bible tells me I am `fearfully and wonderfully made`. If I am so wonderful, then why do I cherish the odd night when I sleep till morning with no interruptions? Why do I cry myself to sleep some nights because I have just had enough? You know what makes it harder? The trying to be strong. I am not strong and I do not want to pretend that I am. I am lost sometimes, scared sometimes and completely confused some other times. It is the pretending to be strong that drives me nuts!

Love is NOT Over rated

Hi dears,

I have been so caught in my everyday life that this part of it has suffered. Well, I am here now. This past weekend, I spent some time with my husband's family. It just helped me understand certain things.

1. Love is NOT over rated
2. Getting older does not diminish the quality of love
3. Love involves being honest, open and true
4. You do not love people simply because they are members of your family.
5. Love never stops hoping for the best.
6. When you believe that divorce is part of life, it makes working on your marriage too much work.

I feel blessed to know these things and I hope that I bless someone with these truths. Life is so full of uncertainties that the only thing we are sure of is here and now. If we do not make it count, what then are we living for?

Take the time to make the people that matter in your life know that they mean a lot to you. Give, give and never stop giving. Let go and LOVE.

hugs and kisses...

What TV shows do you watch?

There is so much on TV, I almost feel like writing down all the TV shows I follow, their show times and then perhaps set my alarm as well! Okay, let us take a look at my recordings:

1. Dexter 
2. Criminal Minds
3. Smash
4. How To Live With Your Parents (For the Rest of Your Life)
5. Murdoch Mysteries
6. Hannibal
7. The Following
8. American Idol
9. Orphan Black
10. Big Bang Theory
11. Under the Dome
12. Whodunnit
13. Mistresses
14. The Goodwin Games
15. Mad Men
16. The Colbert Report
17. The Daily Show
18. Paranormal Witness

I bet there are a couple more that I cannot remember right now. Imagine that? It is crazy how much time I spend watching TV!  Hmm... I have to try to make sure I am ingesting the right kind of stuff. If I am watching this much TV, I need to make sure I am watching good stuff. Why don't you look at your recordings and share what is on there. Have a great day!

Virginity is not a status symbol!

You are a virgin? Good for you! If you are not talking to a group of teenagers or speaking at a youth conference in church, or perhaps telling your story to encourage someone else, I really don't want to hear it! Why do people talk about virginity as if virgins above 25 are members of an elite club? Have you ever heard someone boast about her virginity? It is hilarious! "Kunbi is such a slut! I pity any man who marries her. Even this guy she is dating... We the good girls find it hard to get good men. Look at me, how many 29 year old girls do you know that are virgins?" Clap for yourself! You are a virgin, but you are a professional gossip, Anini has got nothing on you, any good deed you do, BBC, CNN and Al-Jazeera are not enough to help publicize your generosity. Please, spare me! Virginity is not a status symbol!

Let's go back to the origin of NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. The bible makes it clear that sin is sin. You cannot separate sexual sin, place it on a pedestal and then certify yourself a saint because you are not guilty of this one sin. It doesn't work that way! Another funny group of people is the group that says, "I am a virgin! He can go down on me, use his fingers, I'll give a blow job here and there, but I can never have sex before marriage!" Please take a moment and listen to yourself. What is a blow job? Oral SEX! While sex is pleasurable, the ultimate goal is to bring you to a climax. So, you are eating the meat, drinking the milk, but you are innocent because you did not kill the cow? Mscheeeew!

This examples of virginity stories come mainly from my Naija friends. The society judges you and has all sorts of crazy standards. It is okay to bribe, cheat, commit adultery along the way, but as long as you stay a virgin till you marry, you are a good girl. However, the guys who remain virgins till marriage, everyone says they are slackers. Set your own standards and be true to yourself. Be good because it is good to be good. Quit boasting and feeling superior because of your goodness. Most importantly, remember that virginity is not a status symbol!

When the going gets sour...

Let us say you have been married for 10 years, and you step back from the kids, work, house work and all the things that make your life busy and then realize that your marriage has lost its pizzazz. You find that you go to bed in granny pants and wake up in the morning, belch, fart and start your day. You have suddenly stopped giving thought to the person sharing your bed.

Once upon a time, you would wake up, excited and eager to check what was going on in his pajama bottoms, and he would be excited to find out if your nipples were awake. Now, sex, sexy lingerie, scented candles, lazy weekends and all forms of hanky-panky are reserved for Valentine ’s Day and birthdays. If you are happily married and yet have to pause to remember the last time you had sex, or did something exciting with your partner, then we have a problem!

Relationships do not change on their own, people change. Before a relationship gets truly sour, both parties have to throw in the towel. Same way it takes two to make it work, it takes two to break it as well. As long as one is still ready and willing to try, there is still hope.

To revive your sex life without breaking the bank to buy self-help books, attend seminars and counseling etc (not that these things are bad), here are some simple tips.

·         Be willing to admit there is a problem

·         Be ready to address the problem

·         Talk… Communicate. You might rush to say, “Same difference”, but relax. You can talk and not communicate. Find a good time, have a candid chat with your partner. Forget the blame game and address the issue. Work out how to fix things.

·         Plan a date night. Just the two of you. No phones, email, kids…

·         Arrange a special meal, get good music, take a shower and look good (not necessarily make up. Lingerie/lounge clothes will do). Then prepare to have a romantic, relaxing evening. Play board games; watch a movie, just talk. Whatever works for you both.

·         Talk often about the things that brought you together. To retrace our steps, we sometimes have to go back to move forward.

·         Resolve to have sex as often as possible. Sex is great for bonding, relaxing and generally increasing intimacy.

·         Be good friends again! You know how you pause in the middle of your busy day, call your best friend and recant a crazy thing that happened at work? Or how you do something silly or funny and long to share it with someone? Or you hear a funny joke and want to share it with someone? Well, once upon a time, your go-to bff was your partner. Why did things have to change? Next time you want to share, how about you reach out and share with him/her?

Are you blind?

This past weekend we had a naija party and of course there was a lot to eat, drink and plenty of gist! I love those gatherings because everyone is so passionate! Passionate about the food, the drinks and the gist. One topic that really caught my interest was the story of a "Lagos big girl" who has a sugar daddy and a "small boyfriend" who she is engaged to. She takes good care of her boyfriend and so everyone is happy. I was forced to wonder what kind of man is okay with the knowledge that his girlfriend is another man's mistress? The shocking part for me is that these younger men actually accept the expensive gifts that are handed to them courtesy the sugar daddy's money. Hmmm...

As a young man, you know your girlfriend earns N200,000 ($1,300 approx) every month and she drives a brand new Range Rover, lives in a serviced apartment in Ikoyi and goes on vacations at least twice every year. Her parents live in Mushin and have a run down Toyota Corolla. Where do you think the money is coming from? Bonus from work? Oh please!

When I think of it this way, I can't help but agree that men really know when their girlfriends are mistresses. It seems the Nigerian society has scorned adultery, fought it, realized it's a lost battle and then accepted it! How sad!